Memories That Live On
by SVUfanatic18
Summary: A feeling of dread and fear overcame Amanda as she listened to Lindsay recount the details of the case they were working on in Chicago. It was as if she were reading Lewis' file word for word. Someone was copying Lewis' M.O. and that someone was coming for Olivia. They were gong to Chicago because the beast had risen and was out for blood. Chicago crossover soon to be M
1. Chapter 1

Memories that Live On

AN: This is not my first story but it is my first story and this account. This is also my first SVU story even though I have been a huge fan of SVU since before I could even understand what the show was about. I hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think and if I should continue.

*Please note that the first paragraph is in Olivia's point of view*

Time. They say that time heals all wounds and that if one had patience they would simply vanish, but I've come to find that they don't disappear but rather they simply become easier to handle. Then we become accepting of the past, of the things that we were and are unable to change. We move forward with our lives. I was close to reaching this point until my nightmares and the past I had desperately tried to bury came floating to the surface and hit back with an unprecedented force. This is my story. This is my journey.

Tired. That word simply wasn't even close enough to accurate when it came to describing the exhaustion that Amanda Rollins was feeling as she entered the familiar and somewhat welcoming 16th precinct of the NYPD, otherwise known as Manhattan SVU. The crowned jewel to according to Olivia. They had been hit with case after case the week before. It was nothing short of a miracle that she was able to even stand considering that they hadn't closed their last case until almost 4:00 that morning. Rollins had just enough time to shower and change clothes and take a thirty minute power nap before having to be back at work at 8:00 that same morning. Her only saving grace was the possibility of a slow day and another nap in the barracks.

Just as Rollins began to take her seat the phone began to ring. The shrill ringing of the phone seemed to aggravate the headache that had decided to accompany Rollins where ever she went. She sighed before setting her stuff down and reaching for the phone.

"Manhattan SVU this is Rollins." She said before quickly grabbing a pen and paper prepared to take down the address of whatever hospital or residence that she was about to be dispatched to.

There was a pause on the other end of the line before the caller finally spoke.

"Rollins? Hey it's Erin." The fellow Chicago detective said. Amanda sensed that she was uneasy as she waited for the blond detective to respond.

"Hey Erin. How are you?" Amanda asked as she racked her brain in an attempt to contemplate why Detective Lindsay seemed to be on edge. From the time that they spent on the cases recently Rollins felt a though she knew Erin well enough to tell when something was wrong, and something was definitely wrong.

"I'm good. Listen I know that y'all are probably really busy but I need your input on a case if you don't mind?" There was a pause before the detective continued. "We have a victim here that exhibits similar injuries to a case that y'all…. handled last year." Lindsay once again paused to clear her throat. "Our vic was found bound, beaten, tortured, and raped. She was discovered by her long term boyfriend when he returned to his apartment after a 3 day business trip."

Amanda held her breath and prayed that it was just a coincidence and that there was another explanation for the similarities. She hoped with everything that she had that there was something that would make this crime different than the crime that had crept its way back into her mind. It wasn't possible. "She had been burned repeatedly- keys and hangers, anything he could lay his hands on I guess." She continued.

A feeling of dread and fear overcame Amanda in such a way, She felt like she couldn't breathe and she knew that it would only be worse for Olivia. It was as if Erin was reading the horrendous file on Lewis verbatim, and she physically trembled as the memories of her sergeant and friend bloodied and broken resurfaced in her mind,

This was impossible. He was dead. Lewis was dead. She had seen it herself. She remembered the sight that had welcomed her when she reached the top of the stairs. Olivia handcuffed to the table, and Lewis's body slumped against the table, blood pouring from the bullet wound that had opened his skull and ended his reign of terror and destruction.

"Erin please tell me you're not implying what I think you are implying." Rollins pleaded desperate for the other detective to speak and ease her worries and fears.

The detective seemed to ignore Rollins's plea as she continued to spew the facts that further substantiated the implication. "Ruzek ran a comparison of MO's and a case that Sargent Benson had tagged popped up. He clicked on the file and that's when we discovered that the case was… personal to the NYPD. Look we aren't certain of anything just yet. I just wanted to give you a heads up. I figured that it was better to hear it from one of us rather than waking up one day to find it on the news." There was an awkward silence that took over both speakers as both struggled to comprehend the possible discovery that was made.

Rollins cleared her throat and set up straighter in her chair, "Lewis is dead, Erin. I saw the body myself. It's not possible unless there was a-

"Copycat? Those were my thoughts exactly. Which is why I wanted your input before I jumped to any conclusions." The detective said.

"I'd love to help you but I don't think I'm the most qualified person to provide input. Olivia is the most familiar with Lewis and his patterns. You should really be talking to her."

On the other side of the line Lindsay nodded. But after seeing the limited report on the Sargent's ordeal she wanted to save her as much hurt as possible. She didn't want her assumption to be just that, an assumption and be the person responsible for bringing Olivia back to that time in her life. And she hadn't approached Olivia in fear that if she was wrong she would just be dredging up the past that Olivia had overcome. Or maybe she was more afraid of her hunch being accurate. Either way she knew that she had to contact the Sargent.

Erin took a deep breath. "Could you patch me through to Sargent Benson?" She asked before the line went silent and she found herself waiting for the Sargent to pick up the phone. Hoping and praying that she was wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

Memories that Live On

AN: Here is Chapter 2 I hope you all enjoy! Please read and review so that I know I've got someone intrigued.

What was that noise? Was that ringing? Olivia thought as she began to stir from the nap that she was thoroughly enjoying. As she began to become more aware of her surroundings she did indeed discover that it was indeed ringing that she was hearing. Someone was attempting to reach her. She quickly wiped the sleep from her eyes with one hand while the other reached to pick up the phone of the receiver and bring a stop to the incessant ringing.

She cleared her throat before beginning with her trademark "Benson." as she began to prepare herself for the lashing or horrific description of a crime that she was normally welcomed with in the mornings. That of course was if she was lucky enough not to be on the phone with Deputy Chief Dodds, she was beginning to think that the man enjoyed putting her through the ringer even more than Tucker did.

Thinking back to when she first joined SVU she never thought that she would reach this point. She never thought that she would be in a position of authority. In fact she had never imagined any of this. It never occurred to her that Elliot would leave her the way that he had. Never in a million years did she think that she would've stayed. She never thought that she could respect another man as her partner like she did Nick Amaro. She never thought that she could've survived what she overcame last year. She had walked through the fire, but like a phoenix she had risen from the ashes stronger than ever, destined to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep living.

"Hey Liv, its Erin. Did I wake you?" the young detective asked as she slowly began to feel even guiltier than she already felt. She woke a woman who she had come to admire from her dream only to bring her the news of a living nightmare, her living nightmare.

Olivia had been having a nice dream. She had dreamed of Brian as they had gone to an adoption agency for the last time to sign for custody of their little girl, but Olivia saw that there was no point in relaying that Detective Lindsay at the moment. "No- um you're fine Erin. Something I can help you with? Don't tell me Voight misses me already," Olivia said with a laugh as she remembered the playful banter he and Voight had grown accustom to during their meetings.

Erin smiled and let out a remorseful sigh, knowing that her next words would bring an end to the laughing. "Liv, I – you should sit down." She said dejectedly. Erin felt as though her throat was closing up at the very thought of her next words.

"There's a case here in Chicago that raised some flags in California and New York." Another pause as Erin attempted to form the words that she knew would ignite a fire.

"There was a case that you tagged that seemed to match the M.O of our perp here, but seeing as how you were on the case I thought it best to get your opinion before continuing to investigate my theory."

"You know Erin taking into consideration the fact that we have worked together on multiple occasions, you seem to very nervous in your approach. Lay it on me I promise I don't bite." Olivia bit her lip. She figured that Erin was struggling to talk to her because of what happened to Nadia, but the multiple moments of silence that Erin was taking and the amount of apprehension in her voice, Olivia was starting to worry.

"I-

"Is everything okay? You've been through a lot lately. If you need someone to talk I'm here I'll listen," Olivia said in an attempt to easy the young detective's fear.

"I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about to be honest." Erin said hoping that the woman was in the dark about her most recent actions. Sitting back at her desk in intelligence she physically trembled as she remembered how bad she let things get.

Olivia paused for a moment wondering why on earth Erin would be worrying about her. Olivia wasn't the one that just lost a friend in a horrific way. Yes, Yates had brought up memories of Lewis but- Olivia paused as she played back the conversation she was having with the detective. The "you better sit down speech" the nervousness and apprehension it all made sense. No! She forced her not to go there. She forced herself to reason that this case wasn't related, after all Lewis was dead. He couldn't hurt her anymore, or anyone for that matter. She told herself that she was just being paranoid, but then again it was that exact thought that ran through her mind in that moment when she hesitated to reach for her gun.

"What do mean detective?" Olivia asked slowly hoping that she was in fact just being paranoid.

"Olivia this case that we are working on we came across I think this guy might be a copycat. The details and aspects of the crime seem to coincide perfectly with a case you worked two years ago. The vic was tortured, beaten, and raped. The son of a bitch left her for dead..." Another pause.

Olivia took a deep breath as she prepared herself for what she knew was coming next.

"Olivia I think that our copycat might be mimicking the patterns of William Lewis." Erin finally bit out. There it was, out in the open, the fear of what had been plaguing her all night.

"Is the victim alive?" Olivia asked, praying to God that the poor woman was.

"Yeah she survived. Thank God. She's currently in the ICU at Chicago Med, but the doctors are hopeful that she will heal." Erin said, hoping that the prospect of the victim being alive would comfort the older detective.

"Physically," Olivia muttered partially under her breath.

"What?" Erin asked.

Olivia sighed slightly annoyed by the young detective even though she hadn't meant to be. At this point in time Olivia could care less about reigning in her emotions at the expense of protecting feelings. "I said physically. She will be ok physically, but mentally she won't be ok for some time. She will never be the same." Olivia finished, not sure if by then she was talking about the victim or herself.

"Olivia I'm so sorry. I was hoping that I was wrong and that I wouldn't have to call you, but by the looks of it I'm not. I completely understand if you don't want to immerse yourself into this investigation. Hell, I didn't want to take this case because-"Erin swallowed as she felt her mouth grow dry as she prepared to speak _her_ name. "This case reminded me so much of what happened to Nadia. But Liv I could really use your help with this one."

"Did the victim say anything?" Oliva asked. There was no way that she wasn't going to be on the case. If there was a copycat they would undoubtedly need her to decipher which details belonged to Lewis and what details belonged to their perp. That was the thing about copycats. No matter how well they tried to imitate the person they were copying there was always something that didn't quite fit.

"Yeah she said that he kept saying one move lights out every time she started to give him a difficult time. Apparently he told her not to worry that he wasn't going to kill her, but by the time he was done she would wish that she was dead." Erin said wondering if any of those details either further confirmed her suspicions or not.

"Anything else?" Olivia asked as it slowly became harder and harder to keep the memories that were trying to force themselves into the forefront of her mind at bay.

"The son of a bitch left a message on the wall. I think he's taunting us- or you. Does the phrase its coming baby mean anything to you or Lewis?" Erin asked.

"How original." Olivia said sardonically. "Lewis would say that whenever I taunted him. Whenever I was trying to get in his head by emasculating him he would "reassure" me with the promise that it was coming." Olivia took a deep breath. There was no denying that this guy was definitely copying William Lewis.

"So-

"I'm on my way Erin. I will be on the next flight out to Chicago. Does Voight know about this?" Olivia asked hesitantly.

"No I thought that I should talk to you first before taking it to Voight." Erin said, happy that the thought had crossed her mind earlier that morning.

"Ok good. Has anyone else seen the file on William Lewi?" Olivia asked. Hoping that the information contained inside that file had not made its way around the entire precinct. She really did not feel like being on the receiving end of the pity train today.

"No. Just me." Erin said hoping to provide the woman with even the slightest bit of ease.

"Is my file attached?" Olivia asked although she was pretty sure she already knew the answer to the question that she was asking.

"Yes." Erin already knew where this conversation was headed and she had no qualms with keeping it under wraps until Olivia was ready.

"Do me a favor and keep that file and its contents to yourself for the time being. Go ahead and fill the team in on Lewis, but if they ask about me tell them that the victim is a jane doe and that you are working on getting her to come forward. I'm not quite sure I'm ready to open this can of worms again just yet." Olivia asked even though she was certain that the young detective would abide by her wishes.

"Of course. This is your story to tell not mine. Just open up to them when you're ready ok?" Erin said.

"Thank you. Erin before I let you go I want you to know that if you need anyone to talk to I'm here. I know this case must be rough on you." Olivia said gently remembering that the young detective had been the victim of a psychopath's sick mind games recently too that had resulted in her losing someone that she cared about.

Erin smiled and couldn't stop the water that began to fill her eyes as she remembered Nadia and realized that even though Olivia was battling her own demons she still took the time to make sure that those around her were doing ok.

"Yeah Liv I'm ok let's just catch this son of a bitch." Erin said as she cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. She knew that if any of her coworkers saw her crying that she would be screwed and that they would start to hover again, and that was the last thing that she wanted.

"Ok. See you soon. We're going to get him. Trust me I'm a magnet when it comes to psychopaths" Olivia said sarcastically even though she knew the statement was more or less true.

Erin laughed softly at the small joke and frowned. "Me too," she thought to herself.

"See ya soon Liv." She finally said as she was finally able to form a coherent thought let alone a sentence, and with that the sergeant hung up and the phone went dead. Erin sat there for a moment letting the phone drop to the desk. This was going to be hell, she thought.

Olivia sat at her desk for a moment while she attempted to collect her thoughts. Lewis was alive and kicking once again inside her head as she found herself being the target of yet another sick psychopath.

Olivia didn't know how long it was until she finally stood and collected her things as she made her way to the bullpen.

"Fin, Rollins! Pack your stuff and gather anything and everything that we have on William Lewis. We're going to Chicago." Olivia said as she took her coat off the rack.

Fin looked up alarmed. William Lewis? Chicago? Oh hell this is big, he thought. He looked at Amanda to see if she had any clue what was going on and was surprised to see that she didn't look shocked at all.

"Why are we gathering information on William Lewis? He's dead. Why are we going to Chicago?" Finn asked even though he had a feeling he knew.

Olivia closed the door to her office and locked it before turning around to respond.

"Because Finn, they have a beast of their own that is loose."

AN: Please leave your comments and opinions and let me know what you think and if I should continue. Also if there is anyone out there who would like to be my beta please message me and let me know.


	3. Chapter 3

.Memories That Live On

AN: Welcome back! Here is chapter 3. Thank you to those that reviewed. Read and Review!

The flight to Chicago was peaceful at least in the sense that there was only light turbulence, but as for everything else the plane ride was even more nerve-wracking considering the reason they were flying to Chicago. Memories and flashbacks began to overwhelm her as she attempted to rest. For some reason after the conversation she had, had with Erin she felt exhausted both mentally and physically.

Olivia was lucky that Rollins and Fin didn't ask many questions. Although, when Olivia thought about it they probably knew by now that even if they did ask she wouldn't answer. All that was left for them to do was wait for the plane to touch down and hope that they apprehended this guy as quickly as possible.

Once they arrived at the District 21 precinct in Chicago things actually seemed peaceful for a change. There were no cops running in and out of the station as there were the last time they had been in Chicago. In fact, today seemed to be a slow day, but Olivia knew just how deceiving perceptions and looks could be.

When approaching the front desk Olivia and her team were greeted by the familiar face of Sergeant Platt. The woman smiled upon seeing Olivia. There was an unspoken kinship between the two of them most likely due to the fact that they were both women with years of experience and mostly male dominated work force.

"I'm here to see Voight as always." Olivia said with a slight chuckle.

Sergeant Platt, having great respect for the woman gave a slight chuckle. "It seems that Hank has been needing your assistance quite a bit lately." Then she reached below the counter to buzz the woman and her team in. "Go on up. You know the drill, and if you need anything don't hesitate to ask." Platt said with a smile.

Olivia started to make her way toward the stairs before she stopped and turned to Platt and leaned in before saying, "I'm really sorry about what happened to Nadia. If you ever need to vent just let me know. We can go out for drinks. The veterans of this trade have got to stick together right?"

Platt nodded, and with that Olivia made her way up the stairs, all the while attempting to prepare herself mentally for the storm she knew was about to come.

 _She forced herself not to flinch as he held the gun to her head yet again._

" _You think that you've put people through hell? It will rain back down on you." She said in an attempt to strike even the slightest bit of fear into his heart._

 _She watched as he smiled realizing that her attempt to scare him into realizing had failed to work yet again, and she found herself waiting for him to react._

 _She watched as he pulled the gun back and scratched his head. "You know what?" Lewis asked. His smile gotten even bigger as he saw her tense up. "Let it rain."_

It was the memory of the blow to her head from the bud of her own gun and the sharp pain that followed that brought her back to reality once more.

Olivia rubbed her temples as she felt a headache start to form at the back her skull. She seemed to always get headaches whenever she had a flashback or remembered something these days. She wasn't about to kid herself either because she knew that her headaches would only get worse as long as this perp was out there recreating the scenes from her worst nightmares.

She was pulled out her thoughts by the sound of someone calling her name repeatedly. She shook herself out of her reverie and found herself face to face with Lindsay who was attempting to take her bags from her.

"Hey sorry- thank you." She said as she let Erin take her bags and set them done in the barracks.

"Don't be. Take a seat. Voight's on the phone, but as soon as he gets out her we can begin." She said before she went to her desk.

Olivia watched as she leaned against the wall on her shoulder with her arms crossed, her signature pose apparently. She watched as Erin rummaged through her desk before she appeared in front of her with a manila folder in hand.

She smiled gently before she handed Olivia the folder. "I believe this belongs to you," she said.

Olivia looked at her momentarily confused before she looked inside the file to find that it was her file. Her statement and the transcript of the statement that she had given to the grand jury as well as photographs of her injuries and that of those that she had given to Lewis were in there. Absentmindedly Olivia found herself bringing her hand up to run along one of the many scars that Lewis had given her when he put his cigarette out on her as her eyes landed on pictures of her scared chest, abdomen, back, and thighs. He had used her as if she was a human fucking as tray.

Olivia nodded in thanks to the young detective and found herself observing the room. She found that Rollins and Fin had taken up conversation with Halstead and Ruzek. She watched as they became reacquainted with each other and exchanged the standard handshakes and side hugs. Whatever they were discussing had to be pretty funny because pretty soon Olivia saw them begin to laugh.

Olivia watched them for a little while longer and she saw that the conversation had taken a somber turn because suddenly the smiles faded from the detectives' faces and they become quiet. She thought it was safe to assume that either Fin or Rollins had mentioned Nadia and had once again offered their condolences. She saw Halstead and Ruzek nod and then watched as their gazes turned to Erin. They continued to talk and she saw Rollins bring her hand up to stifle a gasp. She stole a glance at Erin and saw that the young detective was completely oblivious to the fact that she was currently the topic of the conversation taking place across the room. But she wasn't truly worried because she knew that come pretty soon Lindsay wouldn't be the talk of the town, she would. She had already been mentally preparing herself to deal with that fact when she had taken her seat on the plane on the way over here.

Their expressions varied from a look of anger and disgust and Olivia could just make out the words "refused to memorialize her as one of Chicago's own, and it was Liv's turn to get angry. She looked over at Erin who was now aware of what the conversation across the room was about.

The detective looked at Olivia who was still standing with her body leaning against the wall, seemingly unmoved from that position for the past ten minutes.

Olivia knew that Lindsay was asking if she was ok. She had seen the look many times before and in all honesty she wasn't ok. Olivia thought that this chapter in her life was over. She thought that she would never to visit the dark place that Lewis had created in her again. She thought that she had finally been able to get over it, only to be slapped in the face with the reality that she couldn't really get over it but she could move on.

At the moment Olivia felt helpless at the thought of what was to come, and if there was one thing that Olivia hated the most it was the feeling of helplessness. She was certain that she would never feel helpless again after Lewis died but she was wrong.

Olivia nodded to reassure the young detective who seemed to be worrying about her a lot lately, but then again Olivia knew that she would do the same thing if it were Erin or one of her detectives that were in the same position.

It was then that the men of the intelligence unit decided that now would be a good time as ever to say hello.

Halstead was the first to come over and envelope her in a side hug. She hugged him back and wondered if he knew what Erin knew about Lewis. The last time she was here she had a feeling that there was something between the two of them and earlier when she saw the look of concern on his face when they were referring to Lindsay and how she was dealing with Nadia's death, her suspicions were confirmed.

"How you been Liv?" He asked as he pulled a chair out from behind a desk for her to sit in.

"Honestly I've been worse, but the sooner we catch this guy the better I'll be. You?" Olivia asked, wanting to make sure that every team was ok or at least getting the help that they needed if they weren't.

"I've been ok. You know it's been hard on all of us lately but we seem to be making it through alright. Did Voight call you down here?" Halstead asked

Olivia shook her head and nodded towards Erin. "Erin's the one that connected the dots and caught onto the similarities. As soon as she suspected that ya'll might have a copycat she called me to confirm, so here I am."

"So our perp is copying the antics of some Lewis guy?" Halstead asked.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the way that Halstead was referring to Lewis. She had heard many names in reference to Lewis, many of which she had penned herself, but she had never heard anyone reference Lewis in such a laid back manor. Usually when Lewis made his way into a conversation said conversation then involved a few curse words.

Halstead looked at her questioningly before Olivia took the time to explain the reason behind her sudden laughter. "I'm sorry it's just I've never heard anyone refer to Lewis in such a way before. Back in New York he's sort of a legend. He single handedly took down a cop in her own living room." Olivia said somewhat sarcastically.

"Poor guy. Did he have in family?" Halstead asked feeling a moment's pity for the apparently slain brother in blue.

"First, it was a woman. Second, she's alive. Third, she has no family except for her brothers and sisters in blue. She's one of those married to the job types." Olivia said with a slight smirk. The job was practically the only man that she could depend on, aside from Noah of course. Whenever Olivia was feeling down she could always count on Noah to put a smile on her otherwise exhausted or sad face.

"Did you know this woman?" Halstead asked

"You could say that." Olivia said. She wasn't really ready to reveal that she was the cope that he had taken down, and technically she wasn't lying either.

"Were the two of you close?" Halstead asked wondering if this was personal to her.

"As close as they come. Which is why we really need to get this bastard so that she can move on with her life without any more surprises." Olivia said.

"Don't worry we have an amazing track record as you know. Tell your friend not to worry too much." Halstead said while placing his hand on Olivia's shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Olivia smiled at the gesture before standing up and making her way to the bulletin board located in the front of the room.

It is there that she saw pictures of the most recent victim. Jane Thomas, 26 years old, a receptionist at a local bank here in Chicago. When Olivia took an inventory of all the injuries that Jane had sustained it was like looking in a mirror. Only one thing was absent from the woman's injuries that was not absent on Olivia. The letters WL burned into the right shoulder blade. This was a detail that was in her file but had not been released to the public and Olivia was relieved that this woman did not bear the same brand. This could mean that the copycat was a fan and would screw up sooner rather than later.

Just as Olivia was about to take her seat Voight's door opened. She looked ready to greet him only to stop in her tracks at the look on his face.

This, whatever it was, was in no means a good sign, and Olivia was really getting tired of all the bad luck that seemed to just keep coming her way.

AN: I want to apologize for how slow this is going I promise you things will start to pick up I just want to make sure and take my time in setting the foundation of the story. Stay with me if you can! Until next time!


	4. Chapter 4

Memories that Live On

AN: Welcome back! Is anybody even reading this? Let me know. Read and Review!

I want to say thank you to Snowgirl01, Aspurgeon, Ihateamarorollins, and Satistarzoya for reviewing and supporting my story. Honestly I wasn't sure if I should continue but your kind words influenced me.

Olivia watched as Voight closed the door to his office ensuring their privacy. She waited for what she was sure he was going to say. It was obvious that he knew what she had tried so hard to hide from him and the intelligence unit in general.

But she watched as he just went behind his desk pulled out a glass and bourbon, before making her a drink at handing it to her.

She looked at him questioningly, but he just nodded toward the drink and sat down on the edge of his desk. He crossed his arms and waited for her to take a drink.

After downing some liquid courage she finally broke the silence that had developed between them. "Hello Hank." Olivia said with a little smile. She watched as Hank leaned back and smiled himself. He was always a sucker for her smiles.

"Olivia." He paused. "How are you doing?" He asked, genuinely concerned about her well-being after he heard about what happened in the courtroom with her son and Nick. He knew that they were close and that his departure had to be hard for her as it would be for anyone that found themselves in her position.

"I've been better. I would be just peachy if everyone would stop asking me if I was ok." Olivia answered honestly.

Voight nodded in understanding. "Look I don't know much about this case at the moment but Erin assured me that she was certain about her copycat. This is her first week back so I'm letting things play out, but I could use your input. Is this guy for sure copying your guy-"

"He's not my guy!" Olivia snapped defensively.

She sighed dejectedly when she saw Voight's hands go up in surrender and acceptance. She shouldn't have snapped at him that she was certain of. She was angry at Lewis, at herself, and she seemed to be taking it out on those around her and it wasn't fair to anyone concerned.

"I'm sorry that was uncalled for. I'm just not in the best of moods right now. This case is personal to me." Olivia explained.

Voight didn't make anything of it he just nodded in understanding. "Listen I know that I have no right to ask you this but can you watch Erin throughout the investigation. She's been down since Nadia died and I just got her back to work two days ago. I'm not sure if I can trust that she is up for the job just yet."

Olivia nodded. "Of course. What exactly happened between you two?" Olivia asked genuinely curious.

"Her mother. That is what happened. She took advantage of her when she was grieving and Lindsay let her. I rescued Lindsay from the streets and I gave her the life that she deserved, the life her mother couldn't because Barbie was never sober enough to care." Voight said shaking his head. It was clear to Olivia and anyone who bothered to look that Voight cared deeply for Erin. From the looks of it he practically raised her. The words that Voight had said struck a chord with Olivia because Olivia could relate to Erin except for the fact that no one was there to save Olivia. She had to save herself. She's been having to save herself a lot lately.

"I know a bit about that myself. I'll watch her. We should probably go, Erin is ready to present the case of your copycat, and I'm ready to educate you on the ways of the beast." Olivia said as she downed the rest of the alcohol and stood from her chair.

She slowly made her way to the bullpen, nodding to let Erin know that now was a good a time as ever to present the case. She took a seat as the young detective took her position in the front of the room. By then Platt and the uniforms Burgess and Roman had taken up resident in the room. The more that were on the case the better.

Olivia listened intently as Erin began to list all of the atrocities that their perp had committed against the two women that were his victims thus far. It was as if she were reading Lewis' file. It was as if they were talking about her.

"Both victims were left for dead, tied to their beds. One vic still hasn't regained consciousness and the other is in and out. This guy is sadistic and he has a plan. There is a reason that he's doing this and there is a reason that it is now. Once we figure out what it is and we get inside his head we can bring him down." Erin said before looking at Olivia and signaling that it was time for her to take the floor.

"Two years ago the NYPD, or rather Detective Rollins I should say, collared a man by the name of William Lewis. What appeared to be a simple flash and run led to something more as we kept digging. Lewis was a psychopathic rapist and murderer. In attempt to catch him in a lie myself and my partner at the time Nick Amaro took a shot at him in the interrogation room, but true to form Lewis stuck with his misunderstood "I'm really the victim here" routine, and because the victims were foreigners and didn't wish to pursue it the charges were dropped and we had to let Lewis go." Olivia nodded for Rollins to continue knowing that she was barely able to keep the resentment and disgust out of her voice for much longer.

"Later we found our witness to be duct taped, raped, and tortured in her apartment. She immediately disclosed that Lewis was the one who had done this to her, and she was adamant about pressing charges against him. We brought Lewis in and he confessed everything hypothetically to Detective Benson. But later we found our victim dead in her apartment. Still we attempted to salvage the case, but due to a lab screw up the trial ended in a mistrial, and Lewis got off again."

"Lewis was always a lucky son of a bitch," Olivia added quietly.

Rollins looked at Olivia to continue.

"His next victim was a cop. One of our own. He broke into her apartment. Tortured her. Beat her." Olivia paused as she tried to form the next words. "He… sexually assaulted her before he decided to move her. Lewis had a thing for lawyers and apparently their mothers so that was their next stop." Olivia looked at Fin and Rollins before continuing.

"He forced her to watch as he raped and tortured the lawyer's mother and killed her father. From there he took her to a cabin were the torture continued. By then they were in Long Island and she was across state lines. Throughout the entire ordeal he kept saying "one move lights out" and the phrase "it's coming baby" in attempt to scare the detective which is where" Olivia paused to point to the picture of the message their perp had left on the wall, "that comes from."

Olivia's eyes caught Hank's and she could've sworn he was looking right through her, and as she said that words "its coming baby she saw him freeze. There was definitely more discussion needed to be had there.

"All in all his torture binge lasted 4 days and the detective was never same." Olivia finally finished.

There was a moment of silence before they started moving.

"Lindsay! You and Benson go the Chicago Med and talk to the vic while Rollins and Fin go with Halstead to search the apartments of the two victims. Ruzeck check for any other occurrences from this guy. Do a nationwide search." Voight ordered.

Olivia watched as Voight walked toward her. She was prepared to open her mouth but he started up first. "You seem close to the cop that was mentioned. Was she a friend?" He asked quietly almost apprehensively.

"You could say that." She said softly.

She paused when she saw apprehension cross Hank's eyes.

"Look Hank if you think that I can't handle this case you are wrong. I am perfectly able to do my job." She said defensively.

"Look Ol-"

"No one knows William Lewis better than I do. You're going to need that if you want to catch this guy" Olivia said before he could even get a word in. She watched as Hank took a step back.

"Actually I would say that the female cop that Lewis took knows him better than anyone. Wouldn't you say? What was her name?" Hank asked and for a moment Olivia panicked before she was able to reign in her emotions.

"You're right. But she and I we're as close as they come, either way, I am crucial to this case and you need me." Olivia said calmly.

Hank smiled. He knew what she was doing. She was avoiding the question but for now he would let it slide. He nodded and backed off, but only to appease her for the time being.

"What are you going to do?" Olivia asked.

"Talk to an old friend." Voight said with a smile.

"Do I want to know?" Olivia asked almost certain that she knew the answer even before he had a chance to answer.

"You never want to know what I do," He paused before he leaned in and whispered. "You might arrest me, something I'm not a very big fan of." He said with a smile.

Liv found herself smiling slightly before a thought hit her.

"Voight, wait!" Olivia nearly yelled.

He turned upon hearing the sense of urgency and fear in her voice.

"Please if whatever you and your friend plan to do is illegal and would hinder this investigation please don't let it lead back to this case. We need this to be clean. I'm really not up for another messy court battle." Olivia asked.

Hank thought for a moment. He knew that she was passionate about all of her cases but this was different. She seemed more tired and defeated? She seemed afraid and Voight had a feeling that there was something that she wasn't telling him, and he didn't like the idea.

"Don't worry leave not even the NSA could trace anything back to me." He said with a wink before turning to leave. When he reached Sergeant Platt's desk he found himself pausing.

"Sergeant, did Olivia seem different to you when she came in?" He found himself asking.

Platt smiled. "She sounded like she had a lot I her plate, but then again anyone would be stressed at the idea of having to work with you. Plus look at the details of the case it would be hard on anyone." Platt said. She knew that Voight cared about Olivia and she was pleased to see that he was concerned for her/

Platt decided to ease his worries as she told him that she would keep an eye on her for him. He nodded in thanks and then left.

The park bench where they always brought a sense of comfort and familiarity to both Voight and Olinsky.

"How's it been being undercover again?" Voight asked once he sat down.

"You know how it is Voight. What do you need?" He asked attempting to get straight to business. He had little time before he had to report back.

"I need you to do some digging for me on a man named William Lewis. Have your guy dig around. Anything, and I mean anything you find send it to me." Hank asked.

The older detective just nodded before saying goodbye and leaving Voight to sit on the bench alone. Olivia was hiding something and he was going to figure it out.

AN: Let me know what you think so that I know if I should continue.


	5. Chapter 5

Memories that Live On

AN: Thank you guys so much for your support, ElphiRiaAddams, Sataistarzoya,Ciaria, Jaycee, anel. robles.31, kierasmile, and of course Snowgirl01, and all of the wonderful guest thank you. Please continue to read and review and let me know what you think!

Hospital

"Hello, Sarah. My name is Sergeant Benson and this," she gestured toward Lindsay "is detective Lindsay. We're police officers. I know that what-"

"First of all, don't say you know what I am going through, because you have no freaking clue, and second I know you're hear. You want to know about the man who did this to me, so please for both of our sakes just cut to the chase so that we can get this over with." By the time Sarah was finished all of the anger and animosity had vanished from her voice completely only to be replaced by sadness and defeat.

Olivia felt for the girl as she had found herself full anger and sadness when she herself had been in this position.

"Can you start by telling us what happened?'' Olivia asked.

She watched as a girl nodded before she opened her mouth to speak. "I had just come home from work. I didn't even know he was in my apartment, but then I heard a noise. How ironic is it that I went to check the noise out without taking a weapon? You watch the movies and you see it happen all the time, yet you find yourself doing the exact same thing." She said with a slightly bitter laugh.

Olivia was quick to intervene with Sarah's self-loathing. You can't blame yourself for something he did. You did nothing wrong. You survived, that's all that matters."

She knew what the girl was feeling. She herself had experienced her own feelings of self-loathing and despair. "This wasn't your fault Sarah. What happened to you was not your fault." Olivia reiterated.

She watched as Sarah rolled her eyes. "Oh now you're going to give me that it wasn't your fault speech? Save it! I don't want to hear it." She said bitterly.

"Look Sarah I know what-"

"Don't you dare say you know what I'm going through. You have no freaking clue what I'm going through. No, because you are protected by your pretty little badge and your hefty little gun. Cut the crap ok, Sergeant?" Sarah bit out. Olivia could practically feel the anger radiating off of Sarah in waves. She didn't dare blame Sarah because she herself had once been filled with the immeasurable anger and bitterness.

"Actually if anyone understands what you are going through it would be Olivia. Erin interjected before Olivia had the chance to stop her.

Olivia froze. She wasn't quite certain she was ready to bring that up just yet, not that Sarah would have judged her but it was a matter of comfort. She watched as Sarah slowly looked from Erin to Olivia, obviously confused and clearing looking for an answer as to why the young detective would have said that.

Olivia sighed before deciding to take a seat on the edge of Sarah's bed. She always had to be seated whenever she talked about Lewis and what happened to her the few times that she did actually talk to someone.

"The man that attacked you is what we commonly refer to as a copycat. This basically just means that the crimes that he or she is committing mirror that of crimes that another person has committed before. This is not the same as saying they have the same M.O. because many people commit the same crime. Whether it be theft, assault, or murder, many crimes are similar. What separates a copycat from that particular group is that the details of the crime are almost identical and not just similar." Olivia took a deep breath at that point and looked toward Sarah to assess whether or not she was following the line that Olivia was trying to draw.

When Olivia was certain that Sarah understood, she decided to continue.

"The man that attacked you was imitating another man by the name of William Lewis, and what he did to you is what Lewis did to me." Olivia cleared her throat, of what exactly, she was not certain. "Just over two years ago we caught a case of a man who had exposed himself to a pair of teenage girls who just happened to be in the county on vacation at the time. In the beginning it seemed just like your average open and shut case, we had a witness who say it happen, fairly easy except for the fact that Lewis had recently burned his fingertips in a "kitchen accident" leaving us unable to properly run him through the database for priors. A colleague of mine couldn't shake the uneasy feeling she had about him and continued to search. After observing him for some time I too began to feel that there was more to Lewis than he was letting on." Olivia took a moment and laughed despite herself as she remembered what she had found herself thinking.

"You see Sarah everything _happened_ to Lewis. He was always trying to spin it to look as though he was the victim." Olivia said.

"In the end the indecent exposure charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence and the fact that our victims had subsequently left the country. For a while that was the end of it, until our witness from the trial was found beaten, raped, and tortured in her apartment. She said that Lewis had done it. She called him a beast, and subsequently the name stuck. It was then that Lewis began to unravel and we saw the beast that was inside. During the interrogation he told me everything that he had done to her in explicit detail under the guise that it was all hypothetical. He was trying to get under my skin, to get inside my head, and it worked. I guess he sensed that." Olivia found herself pausing once more and nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt Sarah's hand come to a rest on hers. She quickly recovered and found herself wiping a tear that had just managed to for in her eye away.

"Anyway we went after and again he got lucky. The victim mysteriously died of a heart attack the day before the trial was set to begin, yet we still moved forward. And a short time later as we neared the end of the trial he caught another break. Some of the DNA that was tested in the case was tested at the same time at the same facility with the base samples. This of coursed damaged the integrity of the samples themselves and called into question the authenticity of the results, which then of course led to a mistrial. Lewis had a way of catching all the breaks that one could catch when they were charged and put on trial, until me. I was his downfall…. and he was mine." She whispered, nearly inaudible at that time.

She smiled and reached up to pat the hand that had come to rest on her shoulder that subsequently belonged to Lindsay.

"He wasn't your downfall Liv, he was the man that served to prove just how strong you are and that you're a force that cannot be stopped or destroyed just simply delayed for a while." Erin whispered in her ear. 'You rose above it, he didn't. Remember that."

"I took the mistrial pretty hard and my captain at the time had sensed that, so in an attempt to protect me he sent me home on a mandatory two days off." Olivia laughed as she remembered that Cragen had even gone as far as to threaten jail time if she didn't steer clear of the precinct until he saw fit for her return.

"I obeyed reluctantly and I went home after I had done some shopping. When I got there I knew something was off. I felt it, but a part of me thought that I was just being paranoid with everything that happened with the trial. So I ignored my gut and ventured further into my apartment. Once I had sat the groceries down I heard something. I called out and when I got no response I went to investigate. I reached for my gun but I hesitated and that's when I saw him. William Lewis was standing in my living room with a gun pointed to my head and a sick smile on his face. He said "Welcome home Detective Benson," and then forced me into my living room. I'm sure you're aware of the many things that happened next, so I won't go into detail."

Olivia leaned back. She was finally finished, for the most part anyway.

"Sarah this is why it is so important that you tell us what happened. You need to trust me. Trust us." She urged, referring to Erin and CPD in general.

Sarah sat up and wiped the tears that had begun to form in the corner of her eyes. There was no doubt that Sarah was feeling contrite for her harsh words earlier.

"This man attacked me to get to you?" Sarah asked, and reluctantly Olivia nodded. She blamed herself just as much as she was sure Sarah did.

"He's going to come after you too." Sarah said. It wasn't a question but rather a statement that Olivia had already known to be true. It was just a matter of time.

"Are you scared? Because I am." Sarah said as the dam finally broke and the tears that Sarah had tried so hard to hold in finally came to the surface, rolling down her face in waves of anguish and fear.

Olivia carefully wrapped her arms around the young girl, being conscious not to touch any of the wounds that Sarah had received at the hands of that monster.

"You know something Sarah? I am absolutely terrified. I barely survived the second round with Lewis. The only reason I did was because Lewis was more interested in destroying the person that I was rather than my body. When he shot himself it wasn't to save me or even himself, but rather to destroy the idea that I was capable of saving myself anymore. Its taken time but I find myself believing in what I'm capable of. I can survive this. I always do. I have scars and occasionally I get scared, but I'm alive and I'm here. I'm still me, Olivia Benson, the voice for the voiceless, the protector of the innocent and that is something that he can never take from me. Once I realized that I found that I was going to be ok. I'm not the same person I was and I'm ok with that." Olivia said.

Sarah nodded slowly and with that, she began to speak.

"Are you sure that these files are authentic?" Voight asked as he looked at the photographs and read the statements in the file in front of him. He nearly flinched as Olinsky nodded. He felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. He felt as though he couldn't breathe.

He stared in disbelief at the proof of the atrocities that were forced upon his friend. He noticed that she had the look on her face in the photographs obtained from the rape kit that Teddy had when he remembered what was done to him. He hoped that he would never have to see that look on her face again, but he knew that if they didn't catch this guy soon, the chances of that happening would increase.

He looked up at Olinsky and knew that the files were authentic.

And then it him. She had lied to him. She had lied to everyone. She had compromised the case and despite knowing that she was a good cop he found himself questioning her judgement, something he never thought he would do. His emotions were undoubtedly running high but two things were prominent among the mess of feelings. First, he was angry, not just at Lewis, but at Olivia too, and second he was hurt that she hadn't trusted him enough to disclose to him about her connection to the case and to Lewis. Anger and hurt are two emotions that never mixed well when it came to Hank Voight, but for Olivia's sake and his own he prayed that he could control himself.

One thing was for certain though, he and Benson needed to have a little one on one chat. Whether she wanted to or not, she was not going to hide evidence and she certainly was not going to hinder his investigation.

AN: I'm thinking of going slightly dark but I'm not sure. What do you guys think I should do?


	6. Chapter 6

Memories that Live On

AN: Welcome back! I'm sorry about the wait I know that many of you have waited patiently for the confrontation between Voight and Olivia and I hope that this will suffice. Please Read and Review!

"You good?" Erin asked Olivia as they came to one of the many stop lights located in the downtown sector of the lovely city of Chicago. They had just stopped for coffee after having left the hospital. Lately, the hospital, a place that had always been an integral location in Olivia's work, had become a place that Olivia dreaded. The hospital stood as a reminder of what she was forced to endure and the helplessness she once possessed, now just being in a hospital for long periods of time just left her exhausted.

The truth was that no, she was not ok, because none of this was ok. She turned to face Erin slightly and found herself smirking despite herself as she said. "I think you know the answer to that detective."

Olivia was slowly losing her patience as well as her sanity as more time passed and that man was still out there roaming the city and waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce on his prey. She found that she had become exhausted and at that particular moment in time she wanted nothing more than to go back to her hotel and go to sleep, but she knew that even if she did go back she would not succumb to sleep until whoever was taunting her, whoever was tormenting this city was behind bars or dead.

Erin observed her silently and decided not to respond having discerned that this was not the time nor place to play shrink. She slowly applied pressure to the accelerator as the light turned green.

"Do you have a place to stay?" She asked in an attempt to rid the car of the awkward silence that had so quickly filled it.

Olivia nodded in thanks, "I think I'm going to stay at the hotel a couple blocks from the precinct."

Erin nodded. "You know you could stay with Voight?" Erin asked with a slight smile knowing that Hank had a soft spot for the sergeant.

Olivia couldn't help the laugh that escaped her at the proposition that Erin had just made. She liked Hank, she respected him, but she knew that staying with him, even for a short while, was not a very good idea.

"Thanks for the invitation, but I think its best if I pass you up on that offer," Olivia said, laughing lightly.

"He's really not that bad and there's more than enough room in that house, and besides I could use another female in the house." Erin said, hoping that her presence might change Olivia's mind on the issue.

She wasn't necessarily trying to get them together. She knew better than to mess with other people's relationships considering the turmoil she faced with many of her own, but she also knew that Hank could help her. He could make her feel safe, a feeling that she was sure had neglected the sergeant since she stepped off the plane no doubt.

Olivia gave Lindsay a questioning look as they rounded the corner that led into the parking lot of the precinct.

"After Nadia, I kinda fell off the wagon, and I did some things that I probably shouldn't have." She laughed despite herself before she continued. "Actually I quit my job, turned my back on the only real family I have ever had, and found myself participating- or rather allowing certain people around me to participate in illegal activities. The same illegal activities that Hank barely saved me from when I was younger and on the streets." She paused and allowed for Olivia to take in what she had just said hoping that she would understand that she and everyone else were behind her and determined to help her through this.

Upon finding a parking spot Olivia finally spoke. "So you're telling me you're on a probation of sorts and rather than go at it alone you want me there with you?"

Erin smiled and just shrugged.

"Are you sure that this isn't just a ploy to get Voight to focus on me so that you have time to sneak around with Halstead? Olivia asked with a slight smirk on her face. She knew that Erin was just trying to help, and having found herself relaxing slightly she decided to have a little fun with it.

Erin laughed and found herself slightly relieved that the sergeant was finally relaxing around her.

"You caught me," Erin said as she and Olivia exited the car and made their way inside the precinct.

Not a moment after having just entered the building was Olivia whisked away from Erin. She recognized immediately who had grabbed and hoped to God that her secret was still, just that, her secret.

"We need to talk." Was all Voight had said and Benson knew just by the tone of his voice that he had figured it out, that he knew the truth, that he knew about Lewis. She could only hope that he would not throw a tantrum and try to be understanding of why she had withheld that little piece of information.

When they reached Voight's office Olivia immediately yanked herself out of his grip which was unsurprisingly very strong. The look of anger in his eyes almost made Olivia cringe, but then again she had dealt with people like Voight before and she wasn't about to be intimidated by him.

"When were you going to tell me Olivia, if you were going to tell me at all that is?" Voight asked.

It was in that moment that Olivia could have sworn that she could cut the anger and hostility in the room with a knife. Throughout the many encounters she had had with Voight and the cases that they had worked together Olivia had seen his anger, she had caught a glimpse of the person that was so reviled and feared. She had seen the anger and frustration directed at other people, at the scum of the earth that he helped sweep off the streets, and until that moment it had never crossed her mind that one day that look might be directed at her, but it was and it hurt.

Yet it also made her angry.

She turned her head slightly and scoffed in disbelief. "You ask me that as if you deserved to know, as if it's your right to know about the most horrific time in my life. Newsflash, Hank, I don't work for you, therefore you do not get to know everything about me or about what has been done to me, not unless I decide to tell you." Olivia said while trying her best to keep the anger and irritation out of her voice, while at the same time acknowledging that she failed miserably at doing so.

"You're in my city, working on my case, with my people, and you didn't think that it would be a good idea to tell me that you're the victim. You of all people should know about the consequences of you working on this case should we catch this guy and it were to go to trial." He took a step closer to her, "What the hell were you thinking Olivia?" He paused and waited for her to respond, yet she remained stubborn and refused to even look at him.

Voight slammed his hand against the wall mere inches away from her face causing her to jump and finally rest her gaze on his. His face was so close that his erratic breath tickled her causing her nose to twitch. She wasn't unnerved by his close proximity surprisingly, just slightly off put by the anger that she saw in his eyes. Despite her best attempts not to give in Voight was a scary guy when he was in your face and she could now understand why people gave into his intimidating stare so easily.

Olivia bit her lip and looked away. Part her agreed with what Voight was saying, but another part of her remained resilient. Olivia let out a dry humorless laugh and then spoke.

"I was thinking that this is the man who is recreating the subject of my nightmares. This man is victimizing me and so many others again and I want to be the one to catch him because despite what you or Lewis or anyone else thinks I am strong enough to do so. It doesn't matter what Lewis did to me because that man is not Lewis no matter how hard he tries to be. I know Lewis better than anyone and we can use that to our advantage. I can get inside this guy's head and when I do he'll slip up and we'll get him." She paused before taking a deep breath and continuing, "After Lewis I wasn't sure that I could survive the recovery let alone go back to work, but I did. Not only did I survive but I have thrived. I broke free of Lewis' restraints over me don't let him control you too."

Olivia turned to leave shaken by their proximity and the intensity of their conversation, but hopeful that her point had come across.

Voight grabbed her arm almost instinctively. His heavy breathing was the only thing that perforated the otherwise silent room.

He cleared his throat and Olivia braced herself the onslaught of words that were undoubtedly coming her way.

She pressed herself up against the door her other hand never letting go of the handled.

"I'm scared for you." He finally said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm scared too, but that doesn't negate the fact that you and I have a job to do, and whether you like it or not you need me on this case. I'm not going anywhere." Olivia said, having finally turned back to face Voight.

The intense look in his eyes made Olivia shudder. It was no secret that her cared for her, but in that moment Olivia saw just how much. The fear and sadness that she saw there was enough to make her regret not telling him the truth.

Despite her pride Olivia found herself apologizing.

"Look Hank I-" she faltered slightly before taking a deep breath and continuing, "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you the whole truth when I arrived here in Chicago, but I think you can understand why I wanted to keep this to myself and why I didn't want even more people to know. It's hard enough having to deal with the pitiful stares that surround me in my own precinct let alone yours. Despite the best efforts of my therapist and my own understanding of sexual assault I still feel ashamed at what he did to me. I still-'' Olivia broke off mid-sentence as she found herself struggling to overcome the lump that was forming in her throat.

She made to move around him no longer believing that she could hold it together in front of him and desperately trying to keep from breaking down completely in front of him.

Voight watched the various emotions cross her face and knew that she was about to give, yet when she tried to leave he found himself placing his hand on her shoulder preventing her from doing so.

He saw that she was hurting and immediately all he found himself wanting to do was comfort her. His intimidating façade dropped immediately the longer he continued to look at her.

When he wouldn't let her pass him she began to struggle against him. The last thing that she wanted was for Hank Voight to see her cry, to see her as vulnerable, to see her as she sometimes caught her seeing herself as, weak.

"Olivia!" He spoke her name as if it were a plea, trying desperately to get her to see that it was ok. It was ok for her to cry.

The dam broke.

AN: Let me know what you think I promise that it wont take me so long to update again.


End file.
